Every single time I hear someone throw around one of these dating cliches, I literally cringe. So, I want to walk you through exactly what they are, so if you hear someone say them, you can call them out on their BS.
The reality is this advice is free, anyone can share their thoughts about anything, whether they’re right or wrong, whether it’s cliche or not.
So, you need to be able to distinguish when someone’s giving you good advice and someone’s just repeating something that they’ve heard.
#1: “Nice guys finish last”
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase before, “nice guys finish last.” That if you’re sweet and charming and just an overall good guy to a girl, she’s gonna want nothing to do with you. Well, that is total BS.
The nice guys that that phrase is talking about are not referring to good quality men, it’s referring to the type of guys that hold high expectations of girls. They think that by just being nice to her, by being sweet and soft, that she should automatically like them back.
And that’s why they finish last. Honest and genuinely nice guys actually have the most success because they’re willing to be understanding and committed to their partner. They want to work alongside them so they can learn more about each other to make that relationship truly flourish.
#2: “Women love assholes”
You might also commonly hear that women love assholes. If you’re a complete dick to them, you show them no attention, you don’t even care about them, they’re gonna fawn over you.
And there’s a kernel of truth in there, and that kernel is not really them being an asshole, but something else. These so-called assholes that women like are actually attracted to that man’s confidence.
He’s honest and open and sometimes very brash in speaking his mind, the complete opposite of the nice guys that we were talking about before. Women generally like when a guy is confident in himself because it means he’s being authentic and real with her. They don’t like when a guy veers into true asshole territory, becomes abusive and mean, and just downright disgusting towards her.
#3: “It’s all about confidence”
Stop peddling the lie that it’s all about confidence because honestly, it’s not. The idea that all you need to succeed in dating is confidence just isn’t true.
There are so many other factors that play a major role in whether someone’s attracted to you: your physical looks, your presence, your personality, your job, your status.
All these different pieces make up the whole picture. Being confident might help boost your self-esteem so you can keep putting yourself out there over and over, but you have to be somewhat realistic here and look at your advantages and disadvantages in the dating market.
If someone is trying to sell you on just being confident, then chances are they don’t have a full understanding of what challenges you’re actually facing. They’re just kind of sweeping under the rug, giving you this catch-all term to make you feel better.
#4: “The right person will come along when you least expect it”
Another cliche that I hate with a burning passion is the “right person will come along when you least expect it.” Oh, it sounds so beautiful and cheery, but it’s probably the worst advice ever. That strategy is doomed to fail.
Think about it for a second. People are so busy in their lives, they’re worried about school, they’re worried about work, they’re worried about friends and family, birthdays and holidays, and all these different things.
You think they’re actually sitting there looking for you? Most likely not.
You have real value that you bring to the table, but people just aren’t going to discover it one day. You need to actually put yourself out there more. Need to be meeting more people, letting people see your real personality. Find ways to shine in your own individual way.
If you talk to anyone that’s in a successful relationship, they’re going to tell you a story about how they were in the right place at the right time or they started the right conversation or they pursued someone because they really like them.
No one’s gonna say, “Yeah, I just kind of sat back and this person found me, asked me out, we started dating.” That is, of course, making an exception for people that are super attractive, super popular, pretty much super anything. Us regular people have to put in some kind of work if you want to succeed in the dating market.
#5: “Dating is just a numbers game”
But that isn’t to say that dating is just a numbers game. This is another cliche that I hate because it implies that just going on lots of dates, swiping left on so many people on Tinder, is bound to lead to positive outcomes, and that’s just not true.
I know mathematically it makes sense, if you ask out more people, you’re going to have a higher likelihood of getting more yeses, but we’re not talking about just having more dates.
We’re talking about having positive interactions, potential people that you might actually want to be in a relationship with. Just because you go on a lot of dates doesn’t mean you’re dating the right kind of people.
Trust me on this. You will have a whole lot more success in long-term dating if you’re way more selective about who you choose to spend your time with.
That means really learning about that person before you go on a second or third date, seeing what you have in common, seeing if there’s something beyond just the initial attraction there.
Most people aren’t willing to qualify the person that they want to date, though, so they take the “spray and pray” approach. They hope that they land on someone good, they hope that that relationship flourishes, they hope that maybe sometime down the line they find something in common. It’s just a really bad way to find a good quality partner.
But the blame doesn’t really lie with you, it lies with the people who propagate and continue to spread these dating cliches, the people who think this is good advice. So, I’m speaking to them now, just stop it.
And I’m not saying my advice is perfect or one size fits all. It’s important to hear different perspectives on dating so you can make the best, most well-informed decision that you possibly can.
On that note, I’ll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.
