Do you have a crush on a girl that’s bisexual, and you’re not sure if you should ask her out? Does she like guys? Does she like girls? Will she like you?
Here are five things you need to know if you want to ask out a girl that’s bisexual to have the best chance of actually dating her.
#1: Her sexuality is valid and should be respected.
A common thought that a lot of guys have is that if a girl is bi, yeah, she’s probably attracted to some girls but she really mainly likes guys. And by thinking like this you’re really just invalidating her sexuality.
A lot of times, bi people may be more attracted to one or the other, but in reality, they like both. If you approach that girl with the intention to try to convince her that she should mainly just date guys and that you’re going to be the one that’s gonna flip her, she’s gonna feel invalidated by that approach. She’s not going to want to date you because she’s going to think that you don’t really see her for who she is and that you’re probably fetishizing her a little bit and turning her into this big conquest and a project that’s really mainly about you.
Ask yourself, what is it about the fact that she also likes girls that just somehow rubs you the wrong way? A lot of times, that reaction and that feeling is coming from a place of insecurity, and it might be something you might want to explore with yourself.
#2: Don’t feed into bi-erasure and think she’s unable to commit to one partner.
The myths surrounding bisexual people just simply aren’t true. Namely, the fact that somehow they’re unable to commit to one partner. This is something that circles around a lot, this idea that bisexual people are constantly cheating or constantly looking for someone to cheat with.
It should seem pretty obvious that bisexual people are a hundred percent capable of forming loving, healthy, and committed relationships. I’m not really sure why this myth tends to surround the bisexual community.
I think it really stems from this idea that just because they like guys and girls, somehow because they have more options, they’re more likely to cheat. But there’s no data, nothing that really backs that idea up at all.
For example, if you’re attracted to multiple people and then decide to be in a relationship with one of them, you don’t have a higher likelihood of cheating just because you’re attracted to other people. If that were the case, then everyone would be at fault and everyone would be at risk because we tend to be attracted to a lot of different people at once.
3. The best way to understand her identity is to be an ally.
The next thing you should know is that the best thing that you can do if you plan on dating someone that’s part of the LGBT+ community is how to be a good ally. How to understand things like biphobia and bi-erasure and how bi people are navigating this world and the struggles they face.
If anyone knows that the person that you like is bi, then chances are they’ve heard tons of invalidating comments before like “you just want attention”, “you’re just going through a phase”, or “you’re really just like men or women, you can’t like both”.
Being a good ally means standing up and speaking out whenever you hear these types of comments made. Don’t let them go unchecked. Doing that is going to make the person that you like feel safe and comfortable around you. They’re gonna feel like they can open up and share and be themselves without any type of judgment coming their way.
Another thing you may want to consider doing is reading up and learning more about bisexuality. How has it taken shape in the media and culture and society over the years? You may want to attend a few Pride events as well, so you can be engaged and active in that community, to be as supportive as possible.
#4: Don’t assume she’s attracted to everyone
The next thing you should know is that just because the girl that you like is bisexual, it doesn’t mean she’s going to be attracted to every single guy and girl out there. Just like you have preferences and you like some people and don’t like others, she’s going to be exactly the same.
Some people tend to believe that if you like both guys and girls, you’re going to find way more people attractive, and while that mathematically makes sense, you have to remember that attraction is not a choice, your actions are though.
So just because you’re attracted to maybe a lot more people, it doesn’t mean that you’re actually going to pursue them or want anything to do with them.
You can’t just think someone’s hot and let it be at that. It’s that potential worry that not only are guys competition, but girls are competition too. This is going to cause you to be in your head and it’s going to create lots of jealousy on your end if you see the girl that you like interacting with any other girl or any other guy.
#5: Open communication is essential for making the relationship work.
You must communicate your needs, your expectations, your goals, your hopes, your dreams, and what you want in this relationship with that person.
For example, if the girl that you like has dated both guys and girls in the past, she may have a different perspective on how gender roles will work in your relationship that differs from the traditional perspective that you may initially expect. Therefore, communicating those needs is a must.
Maybe she has more masculine energy in certain aspects and feminine energy in others. Talking things through to really get a deeper understanding of one another is going to allow you to develop a successful relationship.
Just because she’s bisexual doesn’t mean anything has to be weird or different between you two. If you love one another, if you want to really make it work, learn everything you can about that person. A person that you want to date, sexuality may or may not be influential in your potential relationship with them.
Don’t be discouraged if you like that person. Ask them out. Just because they’re bisexual doesn’t change anything for you. You still have a chance. You still should shoot your shot. You still should put yourself out there and do what it takes to be somebody great.
On that note, I’ll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.