Why are so many guys obsessed with a woman’s body count? It’s as if he’s determining her value and worth as a potential partner based on her past sexual history which to me doesn’t make much sense. So why do guys care?
Well, here’s the truth…
The girl with the high body count
There’s a girl who I’m friends with who has a pretty high body count. She’s been with a number of guys and when she finally met a guy that she wanted to be in a relationship with, he wanted to be in one with her too but he didn’t want to put the label of boyfriend and girlfriend on it because he was a bit intimidated by the number of guys she had been with before him.
He wanted to date her and he wanted exclusivity in their relationship but only on her end. Because she had been with so many guys before him, he felt like he needed to catch up before he can actually call her his girlfriend. Now, she really liked him and she wanted to be with him so she was okay with that.
The problem is that he just wasn’t pulling girls at the rate that he thought he would be. So, she waited. Year after year, hoping that he would change his mind. They remained in this weird ambiguous place where they were dating but not dating. And all it did was breed more anger and resentment on his end because he wasn’t able to match her number. He cared about her, and he wanted to be with her but this was the thing that held them back from having a healthy and happy relationship.
I think a lot of guys who paint themselves into this corner where they are worried about a girl’s body count do nothing but invite stress into their own lives, become more susceptible to myths and stereotypes, and overall just take a negative perspective on dating in general.
Does a high body count mean the girl is “used up”?
One of the things I’ve read in lots of comments regarding women who have a high body count is that somehow they’re used, being with all those guys is gonna mess them up physically which doesn’t make any sense.
Some people have even said that if a girl’s been with a lot of guys she’s going to be all stretched out and not the same and that’s not really how anatomy works but putting that aside I’ve always posed the question back to them.
If a girl’s been with a hundred guys how is that any different from being with only one guy and having sex with him a hundred times? And usually, the response is some kind of random mismatch of:
“But different guys have different penis sizes so it’s gonna change things”
“Well she’s probably also partying and drinking and smoking too and that’s the real problem”
Which usually has nothing to do with the actual body count and it’s all these random external things that they bring up.
What I think is that some guys are falling into the trap of this romanticized ideal that somehow women should be untouched and pure and innocent which brings its own problems. Namely because when we encounter women who don’t fit this ideal, we’re judgmental, we criticize them, and we dehumanize them just based on their body count.
Not only do we continue to perpetuate these myths and stereotypes about purity culture, but we’re also demonizing people for wanting to explore, for wanting to learn, for wanting to discover their own sexuality with other people which to me is a good thing.
We should celebrate people learning that part about themselves because having some experience going into your next relationship is always going to be a good thing.
Does a high body count mean a girl is “easy”?
Another thing I commonly hear is that if a woman has a high body count she’s automatically easy and promiscuous. If any guy wants to sleep with her he probably will which is not true.
If you automatically think that about someone you are hundred percent ignoring the fact that we have agency over our own decisions and autonomy over our own bodies. We choose who we want to have sex with. We choose who we want to partner up with.
It’s like if I were to play a hundred video games and someone was to automatically assume I’m addicted just because I have a big library. Yeah, I’m very selective with the games that I play. It doesn’t mean I’ll play every game. I’ve chosen the ones that I want to.
And it really bothers me when I hear guys talk that way. When they reduce women down to simply sex objects and ignore the wholeness of who she is as a person. We forget that every individual brings their own unique self to the table. Their own thoughts, their own feelings, their own experiences, how can we just push that aside based on their number of sexual partners? It boggles my mind. I mean, not only is it shallow and harmful because in some ways you think this person is lesser than you, but it’s also going to affect your next relationship.
Let’s say your partner lies to you about their body count because they think you’re gonna be judgmental and then you find out. You’re gonna now think less of your partner. Your relationship is going to be built on this foundation of lies which rests on your own insecurity because you can’t accept the person and their past experience and what they’ve learned from it.
Are girls with a high body count less faithful?
The counterpoint I commonly hear is that if a girl’s had a lot of partners in the past she’s definitely going to be less trustworthy and more unfaithful in her relationship which is totally not true.
“But there’s that one study that disagrees with you, Josh. It shows that if you increase the number of sexual partners that a woman has had then she’s going to have a higher rate of infidelity in her marriage.”
Okay, that’s what the study shows. However, let’s really break that down. First off here’s the chart:
All this data is saying is that anything past one sexual partner is going to lead to a slightly higher increase in infidelity. Yes, that’s true but the author believes that the correlation here is that people have a higher success rate and only one partner due to religious background and religious beliefs. People who are religious tend to kind of hold out and wait for that one person rather than everyone else who tends to explore their own sexuality.
So I would say based on this data there really isn’t a strong enough case to be made here between trustworthiness and the number of sexual partners.
What I think it really boils down to is this fear that if a girl has been with more guys in the past then somehow you’re not going to be good enough. Somehow she’s had better than you, somehow she’s going to be looking for better after you and you’re not going to stand a chance of keeping her happy and satisfied.
And I think this is a real fear that a lot of guys have. They feel like they’re in competition with all these guys’ eyes that came before them when in reality let’s actually think about what’s going on here.
If that girl chooses to be with you, she’s chosen you because she feels a connection there. She likes you, she wants to grow and build a relationship with you. What’s happened in the past has shaped and informed her decision making but it’s not the decision she’s making right now which is to choose you.
If you can shift your focus to what really matters in a relationship, I think you’re going to be a lot happier. Part of it is sexual, part of it is intimate, part of it is being a good partner, good listener, a caring person in their life, someone who supports their hopes and their dreams, someone who’s by their side and hopefully, they can offer that to you too. When you have that you’re going to realize their past body count is insignificant.
But I know a significant portion of readers will 100% disagree with me which is why I need to hear from you in the comments. Let me know why I’m wrong. I’m open to changing my perspective and I hope you are too.
Leave your comment down below and I’ll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.