Getting rejected sucks, but what can hurt even more is knowing that you want to move on but not having the willpower to do it. Knowing that you might have to see this person day after day, keeping a smile on your face when inside you’re hurting.
How do you move on from someone? What are the right steps to take? Let me teach you what to do so you can finally get over them.
The truth of the matter is this: just because you’re ready to move on doesn’t mean they are. They may still want to maintain that friendship with you, or may even see you as a brother figure, and losing you from their life is going to be too devastating. So you kind of fold, you kind of sit there and accept whatever it is they present to you, knowing full well that’s not how you want things to go.
For some people, they may look at it like ripping off a Band-Aid: that person rejected you, so peace out, don’t ever talk to them again. But it’s not always that simple. What if you share a class with that person? What if they’re in your friend group? What if you’ve built such a close connection with them that just disappearing on them one day is going to seem awkward and weird?
#1: Make sure to be completely upfront with them from the beginning.
They don’t like you back? Let them know that you’re not interested in just being friends. Now, they may still try to text you and reach out to you here and there. Keep those conversations brief, as brief as possible. The whole point here is to not engage with them as much or to not engage with them at all if you feel like that’s possible. Keep your answers as short as can be.
Don’t talk about your life with them, and don’t ask them questions about their life. That’s a surefire way to fall back into the routine of simping for them, and the whole point here is to let them go.
#2: Stop viewing their posts by soft/hard blocking their accounts
Let’s say the two of you never talk to each other, but you’re still following them online. While you’re going about your day, you’re doing your thing, and then you see their new post pop up, and it brings you right back into those feelings from before.
You might feel like you’re totally over them, but just seeing them smile, seeing them hang out with a new mystery guy, seeing them having fun with friends might pull you back in.
I would recommend restricting their account as much as possible so you don’t see their new posts or get their messages directly in your inbox. Or you may just want to outright block them. That’s going to be the easiest way to just shut them out from your life.
Now, they may come to you and ask you why you blocked them, and that’s where it’s important to go back to being honest. Let them know that when you see their new post, it makes you feel some kind of way, and you don’t want to deal with that.
#3: Reflect on why you got rejected and what you could do differently next time
A major part of cutting someone off is not just pushing them away, but also reflecting inward. Asking yourself those deeper questions like:
- Why did I get rejected?
- What can I do better next time?
- How can I build a better relationship with someone so that when I ask them out, they say yes?
On top of that, you need to begin your own healing journey. That means really diving into things that you enjoy, things that make you feel alive. Hobbies, activities, and interests that you feel you can really succeed in. Diving deep into things that give you meaning and purpose is going to allow you to put this rejection in perspective.
#4: Start pursuing and asking out more people
This is just one person that has said no to you. There are so many more people out there in this world for you to get to know, which is why you need to be out there pursuing more people. The more you can talk to people, ask them out, and go on dates, the easier it’s going to be for you to move on from this one person that you might be obsessed with.
If getting rejected by that one person that you like is the only time you’ve ever experienced it, then yeah, it’s going to stick with you. It’s going to be harder to move on. So by putting yourself out there, you are taking more risk in getting rejected, but it’s going to be easier to deal with it the more you experience it.
#5: Find people you can open up to, but don’t get stuck in the loop of talking about it
And perhaps one major thing to remember here is that if you’re sitting there with those feelings and finding it hard to let go, try to surround yourself with people that can lift you up. But don’t make the mistake of falling into the routine of constantly harping over this rejection.
The greatest thing you can have is a strong support system to get through those hard times. But the mistake that a lot of guys make is that they just keep rehashing that rejection story over and over. They keep talking about it, they keep trying to analyze it, they keep bringing those memories and feelings back up, and not allowing themselves to kind of just share what they’re feeling and move on.
Good friends will be willing to help you out, but if you just keep rehashing that same rejection story over and over, they’re gonna start to tune out. And this is where it can actually backfire because they might just start giving you answers that you want to hear just to kind of move on to different conversations. If that happens, you might find yourself going back to that person and still obsessing over them rather than just taking their initial advice, which is probably to find someone else.
I know it can be hard sometimes though to find people you could share things with and open up to. That’s why I’ve created my own Discord community where people can ask questions, share stories, and seek out advice as you work towards being your best self.
On that note, I’ll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.