Should Girls Ask Guys Out?

Heya playa, this is a video for both guys and girls. But I want to ask the girls out there a question. Have you ever liked a guy and wondered how you can get him to ask you out? I received that question from a lot of girls in the past and today I want to answer it.

Is it the best thing to always have the guy ask you out or is there a better way to go about it? I’ll answer that question right after this.

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Guys should always ask girls out, period. End of discussion. That’s the right answer, right? Well, I would have to disagree because long gone are the days where only guys bring their feelings to the table first. In today’s day and age, girls are strong, girls are empowered, and girls have the ability to approach their crush just like any other guy does.

If you’re a girl that has set a bar where you only wait for guys to ask you out, then I think you might be setting yourself up for failure. Taking this passive approach is expecting that the guy is going to know how you feel and do something about it. Instead of focusing on dropping hints and giving clues, step up and start the initial conversation with them.

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Guys don’t mind if a girl wants to ask them out. In fact, in some cases most guys would prefer it. The simple reason for that is that it takes a lot of pressure off of their backs and levels the playing field out a little bit. Keep in mind you don’t have to just walk up to your crush and ask them out, you can start with something simple like just saying hi, waving to them or smiling. Hold on, that might be a little too much, a little too soon.

What do you do if you are shy though? Another little secret I’m going to let you in on, if you walk up to a guy and start talking to him, chances are he’s going to be a little bit shy about that too. It doesn’t matter how cool he may act, or even if he’s really good at covering it up. But, dealing with rejection and being able to move past it is something that will help us learn and grow from our experiences.

Here’s the thing, walking up to someone and talking to them, or even asking them out is the utmost sign of confidence. If you want to spend some time trying to figure out whether or not they like you back, the best way to gain a few brownie points is to spend time talking and interacting with them. Trust me, if a girl walks up to me and starts a conversation, I’ll be way more attentive and I’ll pay attention to everything she’s saying because that’s super confident.

Too many times girls will focus on little things like trying to get their friends to find out more information, or just spending time near the guy without actually talking to them. But, that isn’t the way to further your connection with them. In fact, all it does is normalize the fact that you guys are near each other and there’s no romantic chemistry going on. Plus by talking to them, the one thing you can finally lay to rest is overanalyzing.

It’s incredibly common for girls and guys to sit and meticulously analyze every little thing that they say and every little look that they give. But by simply talking to them and even asking them out, you’ll skip all the in between games that come along with finding out whether or not they like you and jump straight to your answer.

What do you think though, do you struggle with being cool in high school? Leave your comment below and we’ll talk about it.

At the end of the day we’re all people and we’re all a little bit afraid of facing things that are new to us. Don’t let the fact that you’re a girl or a guy or whatever you choose to be hold you back from going after your crush. Because gender is not a good excuse to not go talk to someone. Put your best self out there and show them how confident you really are.

As always guys, love and peace.



How To Be Cool in High School

Heya playa, if you’re in high school you might have come face to face with the question, how the hell do I become cool? There are tons of other kids who seem to already have that natural “it” factor, but is that something that’s natural or is it something that you can develop? I’ll explain that right after this.

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Being in high school is a beast in and of itself. People are splitting off into different cliques, girls and guys that you may like are not getting incredibly hot and there you are, just kind of standing there awkwardly in the middle of it all. It’s really easy to start comparing yourself to other people but lets really take a look at why these people are cool and what makes them that way.

One of the things that you’ll immediately notice about the cool kids is that they’re just so natural at going with the flow of things. Everything may look like it’s been put together so perfectly but the truth of the matter is, they run into just as many problems as you do. Their parents also won’t let them do things, they’re worried about friendships and relationships and studying for tests, just like you are.

The thing that cool kids have learned to master though, is assuming the power position of control and being able to manage the stress levels of people around them. If the cool kid assumes the leader position and has everyone feeling like they got this, then they’re definitely going to see him as the cool one to look up to. Having that feeling that everything is taken care of and you can just sit back and relax and not have to worry about things, allows them to just be cool in their own right.

Cool kids are also very keen on details. That means that they are incredibly perceptive on how people are thinking and feeling around them. Now I’m not gonna lie to you, part of being cool is being able to fit in. That means possibly dressing like everyone else, talking like everyone else and even acting like everyone else. But, if you really look deeper into those things, what you’re really talking about is building strong relationships that you can connect with people over.

Because really think about it, if you dress similar to someone else, you’re showing that you share that commonality, that you both think similarly and you can get along. The same goes for how you talk, music you listen to, movies that you watch, all of it is just displaying to someone that you can connect with them. So if you figure out how to connect with them without having to worry about those things, that’s really what you need.

Putting aside the people that are just jerks who like to bully people, generally everyone has something nice to say about the cool kid. Whether that they’re fun to talk to, they’re someone to look up to or they’re just cool. That’s why, straight up if you want to start being cooler tomorrow: start making conversations with people, start nailing good first impressions, and just overall be someone that people can open up to. And what about those kids who are jerks and bullies but are still cool? Why do people look up to them, what gives?

The reason people look up to those guys is because they individually have a yearning to be liked. It’s a psychological thing, if someone doesn’t like you for no reason really, then you’re gonna try your best to get them to like you. And because these jerks don’t even give you a second thought, you’re always reaching for their approval. That’s why I would suggest you don’t use those people as a model. I don’t care how many girls or guys they have following them around.

They are not a good example to follow. And the flip side of that is just being overall too nice and not having anyone see you as anything substantial. So the sweet spot is to really aim in the middle somewhere, don’t be too nice and don’t be too mean. In fact be a nice person, not a soft person.

Frankly, the most important thing to remember about being cool is the fact that no matter where you are on the totem pole, you’re always gonna somehow think someone else is cooler than you. Trust me on that one, I knew kids in high school that had all the girls liking them, but for some reason they thought the band kids were cooler. And the band kids thought that the video gamers were cooler. Everyone was constantly measuring themselves up against someone else. They always thought someone else was cooler.

What do you think though, do you struggle with being cool in high school? Leave your comment below and we’ll talk about it.

Do not be fooled into thinking that just because someone has a lot of Instagram followers or chats with a lot of people on Snapchat that they’ve made it to the top. Find out what your skills are, create a social environment where you can connect with others and forge your own path of coolness.

As always guys, love and peace.



My YouTube Story (Why I Started The Josh Speaks)

Heya playa, this is a question I’m sure a lot of you guys have asked before. What inspired me to start The Josh Speaks? Today I want to quickly walk you through the history as to why I started my channel and what I want to do with it. So sit tight because this is going to be the real story behind The Josh Speaks.

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Before I started doing any kind of motivational videos, I used to record me and my friends backyard wrestling. We would get together every weekend at the park and record our wrestling matches for YouTube. Now at the time, we weren’t really focused on building a channel. We just needed a place to host our content. Wrestling’s Future Athletes. We did that for several years on end until we finally put an end to it in 2009.

And then picking up from that, me and my coworker at the time decided to start doing YouTube videos under the channel GoTubeGirl. They were focused on outrageous comedy with her doing crazy things. And that channel finally came to a close as well which led to me and my friends developing a new channel called Alliance Adventures which was focused on us doing crazy kind of skits.

So all this video work happened before The Josh Speaks and I had traveled to my first VidCon with the intention to grow our comedy channel. Meanwhile, I wanted to start working on individual projects on my own to start building out a portfolio. This led me to take on my very first video project, it was going to be a 30 second ad for a little league basketball team. Seems pretty simple, I just had to show up, record a bunch of little kids play basketball, turn it into something cool and then boom. First video project done.

So the day had finally come where I was going to get ready to record this video project. Now, they were meeting really early in the morning, I think it was maybe 8 o’ clock or 7 on a Sunday. Most of you guys aren’t from New York but on the weekends the subway tends to run really crappy. I packed up all my video equipment. I had my tripod, my camera, my microphone, everything all in a huge bag lugging it on to the train. And when I got to the train, I saw that I had to ride it all the way in the opposite direction to the final stop and then all the way back into the city.

Now this is not something I planned ahead for, and I even did my first YouTube video on that which I’m gonna get to in a second. So I rode the train for my 8 o’ clock meeting and by the time I got off the train, not even getting to the place it was already 8:10. So I’m running as fast as I can, sweat is dripping down my face and I’m looking at my phone to see how I can get there. And when I finally did show up, it was already 8:30 so I went up the stairs and went up to the class and saw all the kids packing up to leave. And as I headed over to the coach that I originally made the plans with, he just shook his head sadly and told me “sorry buddy, we’re not doing the video”. I was crushed, literally crushed.

This was my first video project and I already screwed it up. In that moment I felt like the biggest failure ever. I walked down the stairs with my camera equipment and I didn’t know what to do. It was 8:30 in the morning, the sun was shining and here I am covered in sweat holding all this heavy equipment sitting in a park. I found a bench all the way in the corner where I could just sit by myself and sulk in my own misery.

Since I had my camera equipment on me, I decided you know what, I’ll make a quick video explaining why you should plan ahead. This first video was called “The Josh Speaks about Planning Ahead”. I called myself The Josh as a joke, why does The Rock call himself The Rock? And after I recorded that first video I really liked doing it so I recorded another one. And with two videos under my belt, I headed on home feeling like I had accomplished at least something. Later on that night I had edited my videos, put them up on YouTube and just shared it off with my friends. And of course, your friends usually think anything you put up is kind of cool so I kept making more videos.

I started to think about different books I was reading, things I had learned, just generally information I wanted to share, just wrote it up into a script and made it into a video. Before I knew it, I was traveling to different parts all across Brooklyn every single weekend to record three videos at once. Still there was no consistent theme behind The Josh Speaks, just the fact that these were things I enjoyed talking about. And as I kept making videos, getting my momentum going, my Google Adsense account had gotten blocked.

I don’t know why it got blocked and I don’t know how it got blocked, I didn’t really know much about Google Adsense other than it just ran ads on my videos. And it wasn’t until I had went to VidCon that year and talked to the YouTube network Fullscreen that I had figured out what Adsense was, how to monetize my channel and how to really grow a brand on a YouTube channel. My return from VidCon felt like Moses holding two tablets, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to turn my channel into an advice channel. Teaching things that I had learned all throughout my life.

This is where the channel started to take shape, and it was you guys that actually started to leave comments and suggesting videos to get me to really think about what I wanted to say. And as time went on, I realized the journey I was making was to learn how to be my best self and that is what I wanted to share. Looking back at some of my older videos, I’m kind of embarrassed. They were silly, they were stupid, I cursed a lot and I did lots of dumb things.

But where I stand now, I’m incredibly proud of the community we have built together, you guys really make The Josh Speaks what it is. And that’s where we stand today, The Josh Speaks started by accident and I didn’t set out to make it, I only made it because I failed first.

And that’s perhaps the biggest thing I want you guys to take away, just because you fail at something doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road for you, in fact my failure actually was the beginning.

What do you think though, what was the last thing you failed on? Share it in the comments section below and maybe we can find a way together to turn it around into something cool.

As always guys, love and peace.