What problems do you encounter that you feel you can’t stand up against?
Heya playas, sometimes things in life don’t go according to plan but you as your own individual person have the ability to accept the situation and move on. However this might not be the attitude shared by everyone involved. In fact you may have that one friend of a person you’re working with that takes all their frustration out on you. If you consider yourself to be a peaceful person who is constantly getting bullied or walked all over you don’t have to be and here’s why. The first thing that you need to understand is that no one’s will is stronger than yours.
You should always be in charge of the decision that you are going to do. What happens sometimes in a group of people is that one person ends up being bratty and wants to impose their will and others. And in order to keep peace you might stay quiet and just go along with it so when is it right to speak out and potentially cause a problem versus just accepting what they say and moving along? My answer is the very first statement I made, that no one’s will should be stronger than yours. If the situation calls for you to do something that you don’t want to do then speak up about it.
But if what you’re gonna choose to do is going to force other people to go along with it against their will, then you have to ask yourself, should I be doing this with them? Sometimes we force others to do what we want or bend to their rules to have everyone involved in something. And what we find so hard to do is speak up and just tell the person “No”. It’s really hard to say no, especially to your friends. Especially when they want you to do something that they’re gonna have an amazing time doing. But you may not feel the same way about it and you don’t want to look like a dick for saying no.
The truth is that what we fail to realize is the root of the problem doesn’t lie in being assertive, it lies in being passive. It never feels good to walk away from an interaction knowing that you should have said something. But by telling a person no, it puts a hold on their brain letting them know that hey, my reality doesn’t control everyone around me. People need to be put in check sometimes. And it’s not meant to be mean it simply meant to reinforce where you stand and who’s in control of you. There have been plenty of times where I’ve held my tongue and kept my thoughts to myself only to feel horrible afterwards.
It felt like arguing with that person was hopeless and I ended up victimizing myself in the equation. And what I realized was that it didn’t have to be that way. Once I started saying no the bullying stopped. When you’re speaking to someone who’s bullying you, use the word “I” instead of “You”. You always belittle me when I suggest something to do is not as powerful as I feel belittled when I suggest something to do. The context of your wording suggests not that you’re accusing them of doing something but that their words are having this effect on you.
And while this is no guarantee that you’ll get everything you want every time you talk to them, it will damn well make you feel better that you spoke out for yourself. I believe there is never a situation that you encounter where your opinion is never important. It is simply crafting it and delivering it in such a way that is beneficial to the situation. What makes these bullies so strong is the fact that they stand up for themselves. But in that process they go too far and end up hurting others. So let your intuition guide you to know when to speak up and when to separate yourself.
And most importantly don’t ever argue with an idiot. They’ll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
As always guys, love and peace.