Heya playa, I wan to tell you all about the time that I went out with one of my friends for my birthday and my female friend ended up getting really annoyed because no guys would talk to her. This plays off of the last video that I did, should girls ask guys out and my simple answer was yes but I think this story will solidify why that is.
So let me paint the picture for you. Me and my friends decided to go out for my birthday and we found this deal online, it was like a Groupon or something like that. Now at the time, I was studying a lot of pick up artist stuff. I was reading “The Game” by Neil Strauss and anything I could get my hands on. So because I was reading so much about picking up girls and talking to them, opening up conversations, I knew that that was going to be my mission for the night.
Together it was me, two of my guy friends and one of my female friends, we had did our best to get all dressed up to head out to this cool fancy place that we had never been before. Now as we walk in there are tons of beautiful girls there and of course everyone is broken off into their own little sections talking to each other. And we ended up doing what most people do when they walk into a new place, they kind of stay together as a group and don’t really venture out too much.
But this wasn’t part of my plan, I knew at some point we would have to break free, go off and talk to new people. I don’t drink alcohol, I even did a video explaining why, but that night I decided to grab a cup of water, we all cheers’d and off I went to go talk to someone. Before I did though, I saw that one of my female friends had separated herself, sat on one of the couches and just hung out there alone.
She wasn’t really venturing off to talk to new people, just to kind of sit there. So I stopped and I asked her, “Hey why are you sitting here by yourself? Why don’t you go talk to someone?” and she responded with “Well, I’m the girl. Guys should come talk to me.” When she told me that I kind of thought about it for a second and realized, well no, if you want to talk to someone, you should go do it. But I wanted to see if what she was saying would happen so I went off on my own and found a girl to talk to.
To keep that story short, all I did was walk up to a girl, start, you know, sort of dancing around her like guys normally do and then I tried to engage her in a conversation. The dancing part seemed to work out for me which is very rare because usually when a guy starts dancing around a girl, she kind of turns around and walks away. But sure enough we were dancing, and as I started to talk to her, I saw that she was immediately getting bored.
She started doing that thing that people do when they don’t really want to be in a situation so they start looking around to see if they can make eye contact with someone else that can hopefully pull them away. I recognized that, I saw what was going on so I simply said “It was nice meeting you” and went on my way. I headed back to my female friend who was still sitting in the exact same spot on the couch and asked her, “So how’s everything working out for you?”.
And when she responded, she was incredibly frustrated. She just sat there and said “I don’t understand, how come none of these guys are talking to me? They’re looking at me, making eye contact and just walking past me.” So I told her “ok, the next guy that makes eye contact with you, why don’t you walk up to him and talk to him?”. And she was totally against the idea. She said “No, guys should come talk to me. I’m the girl, that’s how it works.”
So I went off again and spent some time hanging out with my guy friends that night. We took a bunch of pictures thinking “oh yea, we dressed really fancy tonight”, now when I look back at the pictures I realize my shirt was baggy, my pants were baggy, I needed a few more tips on how to dress. But eventually I made my way back to my female friend who was still sitting on the couch not talking to anyone. So I told her straight up “Point out a guy that you want to talk to, I’ll go talk to them and try to bring them over back to you.”
And she just responded with “I don’t get what these guys problems, what are they not men or something? They don’t know how to come up to a girl and talk to them?” It was safe to say that I was a little annoyed by this, because when I looked around I saw tons of guys that looked like normal good guys, they were just too scared to approach the girl and talk to them. And yet for some reason there is this stigma that only guys can approach girls and it just shouldn’t work the other way around.
And that’s one thing that bothered me and made me realize that if you want to talk to someone, you should go talk to them whether you’re a guy or a girl it shouldn’t matter. In most cases, there are a whole bunch of social norms that you’re expected to follow once you go talk to someone. If you do drink alcohol, as a guy you’re supposed to offer the girl a drink. It’s on you to make the conversation to keep her interest and not the other way around.
And if she blows you off, it’s just because you just don’t have the skill set to talk to women. And if we were to really break these things down and look at their necessity, you would see that it doesn’t really make sense. There’s no need to buy a girl a drink. You shouldn’t have to pay to hold someone’s attention for a normal conversation. And there are two of you involved in the conversation meaning both people should try to bring something interesting to the table.
And if you get nervous, choke up and just don’t know what to say in that interaction, it doesn’t mean that you’re bad with women, it just means that you weren’t ready for that moment. So later on that night when all of us were kind of tired and decided to go home, my female friend ended up getting incredibly angry because guys around there just weren’t following these social norms. And I think that’s something that can be a lesson for both guys and girls.
I think every single person should find their own unique way to approach someone, to engage them in conversation and to try to make the most of it for what they think works for them. With the first girl that I approached, she might feel comfortable with guys coming up and dancing with her but maybe she didn’t know how to handle conversations or maybe I just wasn’t talking about anything interesting enough.
Either way we both handled it how we felt comfortable and I would hope that neither of us walked away harboring anger for the other person.
But what do you think though? What should me female friend have done in that situation? Should she have gone forward and talked to other guys? And what do you think I should have done in that situation? Should I have kept trying to pursue the girl even though I was picking up cues that she didn’t want to talk to me? Leave your comment below and we’ll talk about it.
Everyone deserves your respect by default, unless they specifically do something to crush that I would say be kind, courteous and understanding of other people’s needs and feelings in the moment. And don’t get too wrapped up in what you’re feeling to overshadow what you think they’re going through.